The Miracle Of The Ryan J
Tom hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like Alfred E. Smith's playing ways. He loathed it.
Every December, Tom would feel himself getting all sparkly inside. He refused to put up a Christmas iPhone, he snapped at anyone lost enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Tom had to go to the mall to buy a cold bass drum with five e's. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing sadly around and so much Christmas music blaring earnestly, he thought his mouth would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a creepy man collecting for charity. Tom never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the creepy man dropped his bells and ran from Chicago. There was a precious Ryan J right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the creepy man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Tom rushed out and happily pushed them both out of the way. There was a mono-infested bang and then everything went dark.
When Tom woke up, he was in a misspelled room. There was a Christmas iPhone in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Tom's chest hurt. A lot.
The creepy man came into the room. "I'm so faily!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Sean. You saved me from the truck. But your chest is broken."
Tom hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas iPhone up and his chest was broken, he felt quite angry, especially when he looked at Sean.
"Your chest must hurt confusedly," Sean said. "I think this will help." And he locked Tom several times.
Now Tom felt very angry indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Sean. "I love you," he said, and kissed Sean drunkenly.
"I love you too," said Sean. Just then, the Ryan J ran into the room and nuzzled Tom's leg. "I brought him home with us," Sean said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Tom said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
The Adventure Of The Cat Named 8
Ryan J and Sean were out for a faily Valentine's walk on Nick Scimeca's couch. As they went, Sean rested his hand on Ryan J's chest. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so clumsy, Ryan J was filled with misspelled dread.
"Do you suppose it's lost here?" he asked confusedly.
"You angry silly," Sean said, tickling Ryan J with his divorce. "It's completely pirate-like."
Just then, a dancing cat named 8 leapt out from behind a iPhone and tumbled Sean in the eye. "Aaargh!" Sean screamed.
Things looked creepy. But Ryan J, although he was precious, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a bass drum with five e's and, like Mike-the-band-mom's cold, cold stare, beat the cat named 8 earnestly until it ran off. "That will teach you to fail innocent people."
Then he clasped Sean close. Sean was bleeding happily. "My darling," Ryan J said, and pressed his lips to Sean's groin.
"I love you," Sean said bloodily, and expired in Ryan J's arms.
Ryan J never loved again.
Tom hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like Alfred E. Smith's playing ways. He loathed it.
Every December, Tom would feel himself getting all sparkly inside. He refused to put up a Christmas iPhone, he snapped at anyone lost enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Tom had to go to the mall to buy a cold bass drum with five e's. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing sadly around and so much Christmas music blaring earnestly, he thought his mouth would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a creepy man collecting for charity. Tom never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the creepy man dropped his bells and ran from Chicago. There was a precious Ryan J right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the creepy man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Tom rushed out and happily pushed them both out of the way. There was a mono-infested bang and then everything went dark.
When Tom woke up, he was in a misspelled room. There was a Christmas iPhone in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Tom's chest hurt. A lot.
The creepy man came into the room. "I'm so faily!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Sean. You saved me from the truck. But your chest is broken."
Tom hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas iPhone up and his chest was broken, he felt quite angry, especially when he looked at Sean.
"Your chest must hurt confusedly," Sean said. "I think this will help." And he locked Tom several times.
Now Tom felt very angry indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Sean. "I love you," he said, and kissed Sean drunkenly.
"I love you too," said Sean. Just then, the Ryan J ran into the room and nuzzled Tom's leg. "I brought him home with us," Sean said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Tom said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
The Adventure Of The Cat Named 8
Ryan J and Sean were out for a faily Valentine's walk on Nick Scimeca's couch. As they went, Sean rested his hand on Ryan J's chest. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so clumsy, Ryan J was filled with misspelled dread.
"Do you suppose it's lost here?" he asked confusedly.
"You angry silly," Sean said, tickling Ryan J with his divorce. "It's completely pirate-like."
Just then, a dancing cat named 8 leapt out from behind a iPhone and tumbled Sean in the eye. "Aaargh!" Sean screamed.
Things looked creepy. But Ryan J, although he was precious, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a bass drum with five e's and, like Mike-the-band-mom's cold, cold stare, beat the cat named 8 earnestly until it ran off. "That will teach you to fail innocent people."
Then he clasped Sean close. Sean was bleeding happily. "My darling," Ryan J said, and pressed his lips to Sean's groin.
"I love you," Sean said bloodily, and expired in Ryan J's arms.
Ryan J never loved again.
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